If I won the lottery, I would buy the entire Qwest DSL "tech support" (I use that term very loosely) department and fire everyone of their tier 1 reps. And everyone who manages & trains those monkeys.
EVERY time we have a connection issue where I have to call them results in a
minimum of an hour of my time being wasted trying to convince them that the problem is NOT on my end.
Here's the latest example of their technical prowess, as I remember it from last night... (it's long, but I feel ever so much better after letting it out.)
Me: My internet service isn't working. I've already gone through and checked the connections and the settings, rebooted the modem twice, and no success. Is there a system problem on your end that's causing the outage?
Monkey: Ok sir, I'd be happy to help. Could I please verify your phone number, your home address, and the last four digits of your Social Security number?
Me: The phone number was verified by the automated system moments before you picked up the call, but it's xxx-xxx-xxxx. My home address is xxxx S. Wherever Ave., Sioux Falls, SD, and I don't give out any part of my Social Security number over the phone.
(After a long pause)
Monkey: Could you please verify your home address WITH the area code?
Me: Area code?
Monkey: Yes; the area code. City, state and area code please.
Me: 
OK; my ZIP code is 57xxx.
Monkey: And the last four of your Social Security number?
Me: I already told you I'm not giving any part of my Social Security number over the phone. And I don't recall ever giving Qwest my Social Security number, so I don't see how you could have anything to verify against, nor why you need to verify that in order to get my internet service working again. Please just check to see if you can do that, ok?
Monkey: Well sir, I can see in our system that your modem is connected and should be working, so I need to verify that the settings on your modem are correct. To do that I need to first verify that you are who you say you are and you are calling from where you say you're calling.
Me: First off, you didn't ask my name, so I didn't tell you who I was. And didn't your system recognize the fact that I'm calling from my home phone, which is in fact a landline, and is in fact installed at the address which you have on file and I have verified with you? I just don't see why you need to have my Social Security number in order to get my internet service working. If you're able to see that my modem is connected, then why is my internet service not working?
Monkey: Again sir, I need to confirm that you are who you say you are and you are a person authorized to be making changes to your internet service.
Me: I don't want to make changes to my service, I want it working. In other words, I want what I'm paying for; is that so difficult to understand?
Monkey: Ok, never mind the last four of your Social; could you instead verify for me the customer code from your telephone bill?
Me: Really? My wife is the one who handles that stuff and I don't know where it's filed. She happens to be in the hospital right now, and even if she were home, she would likely be in bed at this hour, so I'd be no better off. Can't we just skip that?
Monkey: I need to have one of the two before we can proceed, sir.
Me: Fine. (drops phone on counter and fumbles for ten minutes looking for phone bill; finds it) Ok, the customer number is xxxxxxxxxxx.
Monkey: Thank you sir. May I please have your name and a phone number where I can reach you in case we get disconnected?
Me: Really? I've already given you my phone number, which is the same one that I'm speaking to you on and which your system magically recognized, which is the same one that is hosted by your employer, and is the same number through which you can supposedly see that my modem is connected, even though it's not working. Is that the number you'd like me to give you? And my name is David Thornton. The name on the account.
Monkey: Ok sir; do you have a computer connected to your modem?
Me: No; I have it connected to an RJ-45 jack in my ear. It's wired directly to my brain...
Of course I have a computer connected to the modem.
Monkey: Alright then, please open a web browser, then navigate to the administrative page for your modem. Do you know the address for your modem?
Me: Yes I know the address, and if you recall, at the outset of this call I mentioned that I've already verified the settings on the modem, have checked the connections, and rebooted the device twice.
Monkey: Yes sir, but I'd like to double check them again.
Me: What is the point of checking them again? I just checked them not five minutes before making this call. Plus, my internet connection was working fine 45 minutes ago, and nobody touched any of the settings on my DSL modem before the connection failed; do you think the settings spontaneously changed just so I could have the pleasure of arguing with you? I checked them because I knew if I called for help that's one of the steps I would need to go through, and I thought I'd save you some time. The problem is not on my end. Please check to see if there is an outage in my area and either let me know how long it's going to be down or fix it.
For the next 45 minutes, the rest of the call regressed in a similar manner, with the monkey going through the exact same troubleshooting steps I had gone through before, PLUS asks me to reboot my computer. How the hell is rebooting my computer going to magically complete the connection BETWEEN THE MODEM AND THEIR SYSTEM? It's now 1:40am, I'm tired & getting increasingly pissed off at this dolt who refuses to acknowledge the possibility that the problem is on their end, so tell her I'm done. She wins. I'm going to bed (so in a way I win too.)
I've got a busy day, so I'm up again by 6:30, check the connection, and it's still down. Crap. Reluctantly call the number again, furble my way through the phone map to the proper place, and am told by an automated voice that they are aware of an internet outage in my area, and that technicians are working on the problem.
I just use grocery store body bags. They're not just for groceries any more. 
